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Posts Tagged ‘Baltimore’

Super Bowl Recovery

In Football on February 7, 2013 at 6:03 pm

CDH’s Sam Sutton’s San Francisco 49ers lost on Sunday, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it.

Dear Jack,

Things got pretty emo on Sunday night.

Not Dashboard Confessional emo, but definitely Neil Young circa “After the Gold Rush” emo. You may not realize this about me, but behind the obnoxious 49er snapback and super sick red Adidas hoodie, there beats the heart of a deeply sensitive young man [VOMIT].

That heart was broken Sunday night. As were the hearts of thousands — nay, millions — of Bay Area sports fans. Our hearts were broken by the cold realization that, although the San Francisco 49ers had a better team on paper, the Baltimore Ravens were in fact the better team on the field [more VOMIT]. Read the rest of this entry »


Super Bowl Smack-Talk: Part 2

In Football on January 31, 2013 at 1:44 pm

Like modern day Romans and Carthaginians, CDH’s  Jack Lambert and Sam Sutton love their football teams — and for the next two weeks or so, hate each other.

Sam Sutton: Hey Jack,

It’s Thursday, and I haven’t heard a response from you.

So I just wanted to throw a few numbers at you, lest you’d forgotten just how doomed your little football team is on Sunday.

The 49ers ranked 2nd (behind the Seattle Seahawks) in overall defense this year. They had the fourth most effective pass defense —  compared to 21st for Indianapolis and 29th for New England). They also finished the season with the fourth best rushing defense, compared to 9th for New England and 29th for Indianapolis.

I can’t imagine how Baltimore managed to clobber such powerhouses. Read the rest of this entry »

Super Bowl Smack-Talk: Part 1

In Football on January 23, 2013 at 5:44 pm

Like modern day Biggies and Tupacs, CDH’s Jack Lambert and Sam Sutton love their football teams — and for the next two weeks or so, hate each other.

Jack Lambert: Favorite team, Baltimore Ravens. Power Move, Laycock leg kick. Weakness, two-man bobsled.

I know what Sam is going to do. He is probably sitting in his hip New York apartment thinking up ways to call Baltimore dirty and drug strewn. He’s probably laughing at a joke he just made comparing Joe Flacco to Nick Sobatka, the basement-dwelling drug runner in HBO’s The Wire. Hell, he even may have dusted off a thesaurus. Good for him. He’s going to need it. Read the rest of this entry »

Ray Lewis

In Football, Long form on January 3, 2013 at 1:16 pm

Ray Lewis’s playing career could end Sunday. Crim Del Harris examines Lewis’s accomplishments, shortcomings and his legacy in Baltimore.

Ray Lewis will likely play his last game in Baltimore Sunday. The locals will rush to claim him as one of their own, a native son of Baltimore. They are wrong. Ray Lewis, the greatest middle linebacker of the 21st century, was never Baltimore. He was a greatness that knows no geographical boundaries. Ravens fans never cheered for Lewis because he represented the spirit of a city. They cheered for him because they never got to cheer for Tom Brady. They cheered for him because it was better than cheering for Corey Dillon.

In truth, many fans had stopped cheering lately. Sunday’s game against the Indianapolis Colts will likely set decibel records in Baltimore that will mask an inglorious end to Lewis’s playing career. Two steps slow and seemingly forever behind in coverage, the linebacker often resembled a rooted oak conspicuously decaying in the modern NFL. Read the rest of this entry »

A Very Orioles Christmas

In Baseball on December 26, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Life, change and the Baltimore Orioles. What a difference a year makes.

I’ve been thinking about the Baltimore Orioles a lot lately.

Maybe I’ve been thinking about the Orioles because it’s the holidays. Most of my Christmas gifts for my dad are Orioles-related. My dad and mom bought season tickets to Oriole Park at Camden Yards for the first time in 2012. Because I live a half mile away from the stadium, and because my dad had a built-in excuse to come to Baltimore, we saw more Orioles games together in the last nine months than we did throughout my four years of high school. For the first time as an adult, I am looking for season recap DVDs or team pictures for end-of-the year gifts. It’s an unusual feeling, but it’s one I could learn to like. Read the rest of this entry »

Mad Libs Madness

In Baseball on July 11, 2012 at 11:41 pm

Mark Judge recently wrote a column declaring Nationals rookie sensation Bryce Harper a conservative hero. With the power of Mad Libs, Crim Del Harris makes its own attempt to shoehorn an athlete into a political debate.

_______________ (white baseball player) is a _______________’s (political party) hero. The star _______________ (how long he’s been playing baseball) for the _______________ (team) has woken up Major League Baseball, and watching what has followed unfold has reminded me of nothing so much as the collapse of the old political paradigms and the inevitable and upcoming rebirth of _______________ s(political party) in November. Read the rest of this entry »


In Culture on July 6, 2012 at 12:09 pm

We tend to be critical of sports on this site. But the Fourth of July reminds us that we, as Americans, have so much to be thankful for. There are so many reasons to be grateful as an American sports fan in 2012. Here are some of ours:

-Because the United States has a player in Clint Dempsey that can do stuff like this, or this. Every so often, an angry voice from the archaic past will try to restart the argument that soccer will never catch on in this country. Dempsey’s poetic fury on the international stage proves soccer is already here. And that Americans are not only industrious — they can also be beautiful.

– Because sites like Deadspin and KSK and writers like Spencer Hall and, God help me, Bill Simmons prove that there is no one way to write about sports. Not every game is a tragedy; not every opinion has to be a “take.” American sports writing is wittier and sharper than it was when we were kids, and that is a good thing. Read the rest of this entry »

Putting out the fire with gasoline

In Baseball on June 20, 2012 at 11:05 am

The Baltimore Orioles were supposed to crash and burn in 2012. Instead, they’re 10 games over .500 and have the third-best record in the American League.

The 2012 Baltimore Orioles are a constant reminder that we are all going to die. And that’s okay. It is death that makes life worth living.

The Orioles have started the season 39-29, the team’s best start since 2005. Many wrote off the Orioles before the season started. Some said they were prepared “to watch one of the most storied franchises in baseball history burn to the ground” in 2012.

Amazingly, that has not been the case. The Orioles have played exciting, above-average baseball to begin the year. There have been pleasant surprises along the way. Read the rest of this entry »

FJM-style takedown on CAA realignment

In Basketball, Football, William & Mary on May 23, 2012 at 5:54 pm

In keeping with his reputation as a proactive, take-charge athletic director, William and Mary A.D. Terry Driscoll awoke from his annual summer hibernation to release a statement on Old Dominion University and Virginia Commonwealth University leaving the Colonial Athletic Association.

Reading Terry Driscoll is like listening to Miles Davis — it’s all about the notes he doesn’t play. Luckily, we here at CDH happen to be expert Driscollologists trained in the art of deciphering bureaucratic bullshit. (Also, it was a slow weekend.)

So, I present to you, with a tip of the hat to Fire Joe Morgan, the official CDH guide to William and Mary’s statement on CAA realignment. Read the rest of this entry »

Baltimore Chopped

In Baseball, Long form on April 5, 2012 at 12:37 pm

The Baltimore Orioles begin their 2012 season tomorrow. The team wrapped up its spring training with a 2-1 loss to the State College of Florida Manatees, No. 5 in the Florida College System Activities Association coaches’s poll. A quick stop in Norfolk Wednesday, an off-day today, and then the Orioles begin what will most likely be an excruciating 162-game schedule. At worst, the 2012 season will be a tragedy. At best, it will be a farce.

Baltimoreans view the Orioles the way a parent might view a young child who is struggling in school. We may occasionally snicker along with the other parents, and we may often compare them to their better-looking, more successful older sibling (the Ravens). And God knows we don’t attend parent-teacher conferences anymore. But we still love them, and when they demonstrate a flicker of aptitude, like a low B on a pop quiz, we still take them out for ice cream. Read the rest of this entry »

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