Debating William & Mary, sports and culture since 2011. Updated every Wednesday.

Super Bowl Smack-Talk: Part 2

In Football on January 31, 2013 at 1:44 pm

Like modern day Romans and Carthaginians, CDH’s  Jack Lambert and Sam Sutton love their football teams — and for the next two weeks or so, hate each other.

Sam Sutton: Hey Jack,

It’s Thursday, and I haven’t heard a response from you.

So I just wanted to throw a few numbers at you, lest you’d forgotten just how doomed your little football team is on Sunday.

The 49ers ranked 2nd (behind the Seattle Seahawks) in overall defense this year. They had the fourth most effective pass defense —  compared to 21st for Indianapolis and 29th for New England). They also finished the season with the fourth best rushing defense, compared to 9th for New England and 29th for Indianapolis.

I can’t imagine how Baltimore managed to clobber such powerhouses.

Of course, the Ravens did manage to heave themselves past the Denver Broncos and Peyton Manning, whose overtime performance reminded everyone that he is this generation’s Doc Holliday — a legendary gunslinger who spent his final days wasting away from tuberculosis in nearby Colorado Springs.

People seem to have forgotten that the Broncos played elite defense all season. I don’t have an answer for why the Ravens won that game, other then the fact that Rahim Moore blew his coverage when Joe Flacco & Co. knocking were on death’s door.

This is getting morbid, so I’ll move on.

As I recall, Ray Rice wasn’t quite playing at the level we’ve all grown accustomed to during the AFC Championship. His 48 yard effort brought his yards/attempt for the playoffs down to 3.8, compared to 4.37 and 4.53 in the previous two games.

Now, now, whaddayagonnasay? The Patriots game was an anomaly? Rice will explode against the 49ers? Those are possibilities, but allow me to point out that Rice’s performance in Indianapolis and Denver mark the only time that he has averaged more than four yards per carry in a playoff game since 2009 (2010: 3.35 and 2.67, 2011: 2.86 and 3.19).

So enjoy this while it lasts, Jackie boy.

As a great man one once said: “You’re reign on the top is short like leprechauns…”

Dammit.

I need to stop referencing Biggie Smalls. I’m an adult now. I actually want a Corolla. I’ve thought about taking up a second language. No more Biggie Smalls.

Jack Lambert: tl;dr

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