Debating William & Mary, sports and culture since 2011. Updated every Wednesday.

CDH Super Bowl Extravaganza Pt. II

In Football on February 3, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Part II of our Crim Del Harris Super Bowl Pick Extravaganza. We’re adding a little something to this year’s contest. As you all know, first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you’re fired…

Well, there are a lot of factors to consider when picking a winner Sunday. Can Eli Manning carve up the Patriots’ secondary? Will Rob Gronkowski’s ankle heal in time for the game? Lots of factors, let me tell you. Lots of factors.

What’s that? Tom Brady? Oh, you mean the Patriots’s quarterback. Well he’s okay, I guess. I mean, he’s good. His teammates seem to like him. I bet his house is really big and he drives a fast car and he would never lose his temper just because someone didn’t clean his room.

Like the other day I was telling my friend Greg McGinnis — Greg is the coolest kid in my class and his mom gave me soda one time when I went over to his house — I was telling Greg that Tom Brady was probably really nice and he said Tom Brady was a jerk and I said, “Nah unh, you don’t even know him. I bet he is just really, really busy. That’s all.”

It’s hard being a quarterback and Greg said he doesn’t have to yell at his teammates and I said well, I bet his teammates did something bad. I bet his teammates didn’t brush their teeth one night or they forgot to put away their toys and Tom was like, “You’re bad teammates and I don’t ever want to see you again. And then Greg said, “You’re weird and I said, “SHUT UP. YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HIM. WE’RE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE AND ONE DAY WHEN I’M FAMOUS AND RICH AND WHATEVER, I’M NOT GOING TO SEE YOU OR COME TO YOUR FOOTBALL GAMES OR EVEN CALL YOU ON YOUR BIRTHDAY. YOU KNOW WHY? IT’S BECAUSE OF YOU. I LEARNED IT FROM YOU, DAD!!!!!!! I LEARNED IT FROM YOOOOOOU!!!!!!!”

(sobbing)

Oh, a prediction? 28-13 Giants. Fuck Tom Brady.

‑ John Edward Thomas Moynahan

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  1. […] II 1/2 of our Crim Del Harris Super Bowl Extravaganza. Check out Part I here, and then read Part II here. We have top men working on Part III. Top. […]

  2. […] Manning vanish and football civilization recedes with every chop block. Read part I here, part II here and part II 1/2 […]

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